"Other than a pony and a Sega Genesis because I've been a good boy?" He recovers quickly with a joke within reach. Maybe if he just keeps cracking wise, she'll forget. Yeah, sure, kid, and maybe the New England Patriots will pull their heads out of their asses and stop turning their fans into assholes.

"I guess there's not a medieval equivalent of a great big heavy stick, is there? I'm really only good at throwing rocks and beating the shit outta stuff with a stick. And even then it's like a Queen song. You know. Unda Pressha. ... For a Brit, David Bowie could slip into a wicked Mainah when he wanted to."